Small things make a big difference, like the words we say — and the ones we don’t. 

When women speak directly with conviction in their voice and with the absence of minimizing language, combined with solid posture with our bodies slightly leaning in to show interest, we exhibit much more confidence. 

In my work with thousands of people over the past 30 years at places like NASA, Google, and Starbucks, I’ve collected a number of words and phrases that I continually hear that hijack our credibility. Each of them takes away from the impact of our message and, ultimately, us. 

Let’s take a look at 11 of them, and what I’d suggest doing differently so we can be confident and memorable.

Diminishing Credibility

Imagine you’re at a meeting and someone says, “I just want to share a little idea.” Those words set a tone of unimportance before the idea is even shared. 

The difference between someone at a meeting saying that versus, “I want to share an idea” or even better, “Here’s an idea,” can be huge as it relates to credibility and being taken seriously.

When using the sentence above that has “just” and “little” in it, many women tend to shrug their shoulders and make themselves look smaller when they say it, further diminishing their credibility.

Let’s elaborate on “little” and “just.” “Little” is diminishing a valuable tip that you have, and “just” doubly acts as if it’s dismissible and not that big of a deal. If you’re going to bother to offer a tip, then drop the value-less words.

Does That Make Sense?

Have you ever listened to someone ask, “Does that make sense?” over and over? I was recently at a workshop and the facilitator said it time and time again. First of all, any word or phrase said repeatedly is going to become a distraction. What happens is that it sounds as though you’re questioning yourself and that you don’t trust yourself to know what you’re talking about. It can also come across as though you need approval or buy-in from your audience. 

If you’re speaking and are sharing your expertise or offering your opinion, state it with confidence without this phrase at the end of your sentence. If you truly are wondering if you made sense, then ask a question that is more meaningful, such as, “How did that land for you?”

So…

There’s nothing wrong with the word “so” in and of itself and when it’s used properly in a sentence. But, too often we use it repetitively and it becomes another filler word such as “um” and “ah.” People often use it to connect phrases together when speaking, but much of the time it isn’t needed. The best advice I can offer is to record yourself when speaking to hear how you come across.

After listening back to a recording of one of my first speaking engagements, I was astonished to hear that I said “ya know” 41 times in about 20 minutes. Wow! I had no idea. 

How about you? What are your filler words of choice? If you’re not sure, ask people who know you well. And remember to record yourself either during a meeting or another time when you’re not thinking about it that much. It’s best to record yourself during a time in real life when you’re naturally speaking. Then you can get the best representation of reality.

I’m Sorry…

Women often apologize unnecessarily! Ask yourself, “Do I really need to apologize for this? Have I wronged someone?” Usually, we do it out of habit when we could instead simply say “Excuse me” or “Thank you for understanding.” Here’s what I’d suggest you do to train yourself out of the habit:

Start saying “I’m sexy” instead.

At a minimum, it will make you chuckle and that alone can help get you nudged out of the habit as you’re training yourself to replace “I’m sorry.”

I Believe…

There’s a time and a place to say “I believe” and “I think.” In general, both phrases come across as not wanting to own your content or your opinion. When that happens, we no longer sound like an expert. If you want to be seen as an expert, you’ve got to be more direct. 

For example, instead of, “I believe this project will have a great impact on our bottom line,” say, “This project will have a great impact on our bottom line.”

Maybe…

Confident people aren’t wafflers. When we waffle and waver, we seem indecisive, and when we’re indecisive, we don’t come across as a leader.

Someone who uses phrases like “sort of,” “kind of,” and “maybe” is taken less seriously.

Better to say nothing instead. Depending on the situation, you might say, “I’ll look at the options and get back to you,” or “Let me think on it,” or “Both are good possibilities. I’d like some time to process this.”

Ya’ Know? and Right?!

Both of these are in the same camp, as each is an innocent phrase often placed at the end of a sentence that makes us sound as though we need approval for what came before that. I recall watching a senior executive on a panel at a prominent healthcare company say “right” so many times in 15 minutes that I started counting and eventually had to leave because it was so distracting. The problem is you stop listening to the message! Instead of using these words, say nothing. Pause. Trust yourself. No need to look for approval or validation from your audience. If you really want feedback, then ask what was posed earlier (and my personal favorite): “How did that land for you?” or “What resonated most with you?”

Whatever…

Leaders have an opinion and that comes down to where to take the team for dinner. When we say “whatever” it can sound indecisive, flippant, and as if we don’t care. Sometimes “whatever you think is best” creeps in, which is definitely something I’ve struggled with as coming from my home state of Minnesota.

Growing up, I learned that many opinions are followed by this phrase. Though it may be an intent to accommodate and care about the other person, it can negate and diminish your own opinion. Here, it’s best to remove this word from your vocabulary and say nothing instead.

But…

This one pretty much negates everything that came before it. Experiment by replacing it with “and,” and see how that shifts the feel of your messages.

Start noticing when you use the above words or phases and what you need to shift to demonstrate more influence and impact.