Slam Your Imposter Syndrome

Did you know 75 percent of executive women report feeling inadequate or mired in self-doubt, according to a recent KPMG survey of 750 women? What can you do to lessen its impact?

When it comes to confidence, there are many things that can stand in our way. One of the biggest I have witnessed keep women from reaching their full potential can be summed up in two words: imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a feeling that stops many, notably women, in their tracks. It keeps many of us from getting into the room before we would even have the chance to fail. I discuss this in my new book, Claim Your Confidence, which is a guide for women who want to overcome their fear and self-doubt to find their confidence.

I can’t tell you where I first heard the phrase “imposter syndrome,” but the moment I did, I knew exactly what it meant: I am an imposter in this world of successful people. I don’t deserve any of this, and at some point, this whole house of cards — even though it is built on my accomplishments — will come crashing down.

I remember sitting in meetings early in my career where auctioneers were being suggested for events. I didn’t speak up for myself for fear of being seen by my colleagues as a self-promoter despite the fact that I was more than qualified. In these moments, I saw putting myself out there as being an easy way to prove what my imposter syndrome made me believe — that I didn’t deserve to be there in the first place.

Over the course of my career as an auctioneer, a podcast host, and a speaker, I often find women waiting to speak with me after I get offstage or finish recording. Often, the question they ask is, “How do I get rid of imposter syndrome?” My response: I follow what I do as an auctioneer.

As an auctioneer, I slam down a gavel to start or end an auction. I use the same type of force when I want to achieve something in my life. Whenever I feel imposter syndrome creeping in, I use what I call the SLAM: my foolproof “I’ve got this. This is my life, and I’m going to rock it” line of defense against imposter syndrome. When I slam my gavel after I walk onstage, it shows everyone I mean business. This method will make sure that you slam the door on imposter syndrome anytime it tries to convince you that you are anything less than a rock star.

Now, let’s get your SLAM ready, so everyone, including you, knows you mean business.

S —  STOP counting yourself out.

Don’t take yourself out of the game before the game has even started. The next time someone offers you a compliment, an honor, or asks you to participate, strip away that layer of imposter syndrome by doing the opposite of what you think you should do. Say thank you — and stop making excuses.

L — LISTEN to what someone is saying, not what you think they are saying.

The next time someone makes a comment about you, remind yourself to listen to what they are saying without adding unseen words to the sentence. So often I have found myself adding an additional paragraph when someone mentions that they are happy to see me back at work after maternity leave or they ask a question about my work, which makes me second-guess a decision. Unless someone uses the words, don’t let your mind go into overdrive. Or, if it does, make it a positive finish. Remember, it takes equal energy to focus on the positives and your strengths, so why not do it?

A — ACCEPT that no one will give you a gold star except you.

Chasing accolades from other people in your adult life is a zero-sum game. No one pins a gold star on your shirt for living the life you want as you get older, nor do they withhold it because you are doing what you want to do. In adulthood, there is no A+ written across your monthly work calendar because you show up. There is no trophy for being a caring mom because you do the laundry. You aren’t competing against anyone but yourself. Stop trying to please other people by doing something in pursuit of a gold star. The only gold star you should seek in life is the one you give yourself.

M — MAKE your point and don’t back down.

The most important part of SLAM is the realization that until you believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. The next time you find yourself agreeing with someone else rather than standing your ground, remember that no one is responsible for elevating your voice —except you. 

Many of us have been struggling with imposter syndrome for years—which means it won't disappear overnight. You will learn to consciously fight the urge to take yourself out of the game before it even starts. If you practice the SLAM when each opportunity presents itself, you will develop the tools you need to rid yourself of negative thinking. Confidence comes when you slam imposter syndrome out of your mind. So slam the door on negative thoughts and create the life you want.