Kenya Duke’s Divorce and Financial Empowerment
Divorce is a life pivot that touches many, and it can be civil or act as a wrecking ball. You may know Kenya Duke from her BET+ show The Gary Owen Show, with her now ex-husband and their three children. Duke, an entrepreneur, real estate investor, and host of the podcast Truly Kenya, shares her experience of divorce, as well as its emotional and financial impacts.
The pain of financial instability and the struggle to make ends meet can be overwhelming. But there is a way to regain control and find empowerment. Duke tells her story from childhood to what it means to be a Black woman in the entertainment industry. Duke shows how to rise above a nasty, acrimonious public divorce, take care of yourself, and build a secure financial future, in this episode of SheVentures.
HIGHLIGHTS
Duke describes her humble upbringing, and how growing up in a lower-middle-class neighborhood instilled values of community, hard work, and resilience.
Duke’s foray into the entertainment industry might not have been planned, but her pulse on various unconventional topics quickly catapulted her into the limelight.
What it was like to work with her then-husband and children as the producer of The Gary Owen Show
Why Duke prefers to be “behind the camera” instead of seeking stardom
What it was like to have her marriage fall apart and the media scrutiny of her family and their personal lives
Duke’s tips on how to rebuild your financial independence after a divorce
If you are single or getting married, Duke suggests taking control of your finances and opening a separate bank account for personal economic independence.
Learn about how Duke invests in the real estate market.
Duke’s humorous take on the transition to dating with kids
Tips for balancing a robust career, nurturing motherhood, and ensuring self-care
How the transformative power of community — specifically women of color — helped Duke
Duke candidly discusses how young hopefuls can explore the possibility of a career in the entertainment industry, whether in front of the camera or behind the scenes.
By openly sharing her experience, Duke emphasizes that financial stability and success are attainable goals for any woman given the right mindset, education, and perseverance.
Find Duke on her social media for behind-the-scenes content, and listen to her podcast, Truly Kenya.
If you enjoyed the show, we would love your support!
Note: This is an original transcript–edited for sense, length, and clarity. If you have any questions or concerns, please email our host, Doria Lavagnino, at doria@sheventurespodcast.com.
Intro:
Doria Lavagnino: Today’s guest is a woman who spent more than a decade building and managing her now ex-husband’s comedy career. A TV personality in her own right, she was the series cast and producer of The Gary Owen Show, which aired on BET (Black Entertainment Television).
With a public and acrimonious divorce in 2021 now in the rearview mirror, she has stepped into her own power as a Black woman, TV personality, real estate investor, and host of her namesake podcast, Truly Kenya, where she interviews all sorts of people. [There’s] lots of interesting stuff going on there with entertainers, therapists, psychics, TV personalities, and talks about relationships. It’s kind of like a stream of consciousness, if I may say, with a focus on the importance of creating personal wealth (we’re going to get into that today), stepping into one’s power, and being a bold Black female — and she is now doing that with her own rules. Kenya Duke, welcome to SheVentures!
It Takes a Village
Doria: It’s great to have you on! I like to give the audience a little bit of backstory. Can you tell us about where you grew up, and if there’s a memory or a person that comes to mind when you think about your childhood?
Kenya Duke: I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. My father died when I was 6. I had a mother who always worked. She was a very good mother.
I had a strong community: my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and friends that weren’t relatives were like relatives. It was a community that helped her. Even when we were in The Acorn, which is like a poor part of West Oakland, I still felt community. I was surrounded by good people that were all very good to me. I had a lot of good examples.
The first time I had seen Cher and then Diana Ross —
Doria: The Cher show, remember that?
Kenya: Yeah, I do!
Doria: Oh, I love her.
Kenya: I saw Cher and then soon after I saw Diana Ross. She was doing some live concert or something. I was like, “Oh my God! I don’t know if I’m Diana Ross but there is going to be more than 98th and MacArthur, The Acorn and West Oakland.” I knew that. I didn’t know how I was going to get there.
Doria: You knew that much.
Kenya: I knew that much though, yeah.
Do The Hustle
Doria: Yeah, often I hear women of color on the show saying there’s this stereotype of Black women being so strong and powerful. In many ways, you almost don’t have a choice but to be.
Kenya: For sure. If you think back to the ’60s, they were separating the men from the wives and children. If people were on public assistance, they couldn’t have fathers in the home. You do what you have to do.
I do think that women are very resourceful. They move in a direction where there’s not a lot of ego. They are able to put that aside, take care of the family, and be supportive of husbands, children, and their families. I think they are willing to do what they need to do. When I speak of hustle, I’m never talking about hustling someone out of something. I’m talking about the “wake up and get it done.”
Doria: Exactly. Would you say hustle? I think about my father, who came [from Italy after] World War II, extremely poor, and knew if he was going to make it anywhere, it was going to be here. He hustled. He didn’t hustle people out of anything, to your point, right? He would drive back and forth across America selling his products and get three hours of sleep. That’s hustle — not saying it’s healthy.
Kenya: I think that we are strong. I don’t look at that as a negative. I think we are resourceful. I think even in that role, we bring something. We may be tired, but we still know how to have a good time. We bring our own little swag, effort, or sassiness while we’re doing it. Do you know what I mean?
Doria: Yeah, I do.
Kenya: It’s just what we do.
The Path to Entertainment
Doria: I love it. You mentioned Diana Ross. Did you always know you wanted to do something in the entertainment field?
Kenya: I thought I would be a teacher. As I got older, I thought I was going to be running a nonprofit, somehow working with kids on behalf of kids and families. It just didn’t work out that way. That’s why I went to school for social work. That’s what I thought I would be doing. To be honest, if it weren’t for my ex, I don’t know if I would be doing a podcast or have ended up in entertainment, to be honest. It was never on my radar like that.
Doria: Yeah, it wasn’t something that you aspired to.
Kenya: Maybe behind the scenes. I like to make things happen. I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I do like to produce. I like that creative process. Maybe if it weren’t entertainment, it would have been behind the scenes.
Doria: I understand that completely. There’s the person who’s in front of the camera who does the thing. Then there’s the person who does all the work. I don’t mean to say it like that but it’s kind of true, right?
Kenya: No, it’s the truth.
A Significant Pivot
Doria: Can you talk about a significant pivot that you’ve had recently or that you’ve had to make in your career and life? Since your divorce, what were the pivots that were required?
Kenya: Dealing with the reality of what my life was now like financially. It’s gone through many stages. Immediately with a divorce, emotionally I was prepared but I was definitely not prepared financially. I didn’t even think about the financial aspect of it — what my life would look like during that period. The things I had to cut off my budget, move around and do things differently than I had been doing. [It took] tightening up financially. What I realized is that literally, you’re starting over. I don’t know if I can cuss —
Doria: You can do whatever you need to do, girlfriend.
Kenya: What I realized is that you financially don’t have shit. You’re starting over. The quicker you realize that the faster [and] better you will be off. You can’t act like you’re going to get all this money in a divorce, because you don’t know. Right now you ain’t got nothing. You don’t have your mortgage payment. You have nothing. Lawyers are not waiting to be paid. They’re paid before the mortgage, everything.
Doria: They’re paid no matter what, right?
Kenya: Oh, for sure. They’ll let you know. Once I realized that, I came up with a plan. I just know in this chapter of my life, I will work. I felt if I did something I am passionate about, the money would come. I’m a hard worker. If I helped to make him a lot of money, I could definitely do it for myself. I had to do it in a quicker time frame. That’s what I felt because I was older. Do you know what I mean?
Doria: Totally. You had kids.
Kenya: Right and I’m doing what I love doing.
Listening to Signs
Kenya: Let me say, I believe in God. Whoever you believe in, I am saying to you: He always shows up, even if it’s at the last minute. When I didn’t know how I was going to make the mortgage payment or I was teetering — there have been about three times I’ve teetered back and forth on the podcast — He sent some sort of message.
Doria: Oh, yep!
Kenya: One of the messages, loud and clear, was my publicist, Jen. I don’t even know if she knows this but she came right at the time when I was like, “I’m not sure. Maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing.” All of a sudden, I got a publicist. It was different things that have stood out to me to say, “I’m on the right track.”
Doria: Exactly, I totally understand what you’re saying. If you look for signs, there are signs. You have to be open. They may not be exactly how you want them to be, but they are there.
Harness a Financial Mindset
Doria: Going back to what you were saying, because it’s important, I think — a lot of women stay in marriages for the reason you described. They feel that “I can’t make it financially. I have children. I don’t have enough skills,” or whatever the case might be. What tips can you give them about how to harness their mindset if they have to get out of a situation for themselves?
Kenya: I think that everybody has their own timeframe. There are many people that would say, “You stayed way too long.” I would maybe agree with that now that I’m out of it.
I was a child without a father. It was important to me; I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m not a stupid woman, but I want their dad to be in their lives. I want them to have that relationship that I was unable to have. I did sacrifice some things. I made excuses for [and] overlooked a lot of stuff. That was my reason. I waited until my last child left for college. Then I really knew, “Something’s getting ready to change.”
Doria: Yeah, like the rubber is going to hit the road
Kenya: Exactly, that was my process. Now, when I look at the relationship between my children and their father, I know I stayed too long. If I would have left earlier, I think they would have had a much better relationship. They would be used to their new normal.
Doria: Oh, interesting.
Kenya: I think I may have done them a disservice. That’s the only thing about my divorce that I feel guilty about is the relationship with their father right now.
I think you have to have something of your own, financially. I’m only talking financially — even if it’s a little bit. If you’re on an allowance or however he’s doing it, if you need to take or cut out your Pilates class — I just said that because I started Pilates and I love it — [make sure] you are putting something away for yourself in case there comes a time where you have to or choose to leave. You have to do that.
Doria: Yes.
Kenya: My ex was in charge of all the money prior to like the last four years before I left. All of the money. I was wired an allowance per month. I never thought money was going to be a problem. I don’t know what I was doing. I was walking around thinking if it didn’t work out, he would still be fair because I had never had a money problem with him.
Divorce is a business. He was like, “Screw you. Screw the history.” I wasn’t ready. The only thing I would say is, “It’s okay.”
You could have a separate account too. I needed a separate account. I needed to be ready. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Doria: Yeah, absolutely.
Kenya: I think when you give somebody all your financial power, you are going to be there longer than you need it to be. You don’t want to waste as many years as I wasted. Now, I’m trying to catch up.
Doria: I don’t feel that you wasted them, but I know what you’re saying.
An Unexpected Message
Kenya: Can I tell you something? One of the things I did — I [went to] see a psychic that a few of my friends went to and they were like, “Oh my God, he was right on the money.” I did go and see him. This was at a time I was like, “Am I doing the right thing?” This is also another thing about the podcast and what he said to me. I’ve seen two psychics about the podcast. They both told me to stay with it [and that] I’m definitely on the right path. One guy said, “It’s not as much the podcast, as much fun you’re having with it. That’s not what your podcast’s going to be.”
Doria: Interesting.
Kenya: I was like, “What do you mean?” He said, “You’re going to end up being more of a motivational speaker — speaking, talking about divorce and healing.” I was like, “No, that’s not what I’m trying to do.” He was like, “Get ready because that’s what you’re going to be doing.”
My podcast is “We’re just having fun.” I mean, it’s so random. It’s me. We talk about everything: life, divorce, kids, dating, sex. The only thing I don’t talk about is that I’m afraid of ghosts and stuff like that. I don’t touch on anything about like —
Doria: No witchcraft.
Kenya: No, I want to stay under the radar. I am not fooling with no ghosts. Black people do not like ghosts. I stay away from that. Anything other than that!
Alternative Lifestyles Aren’t Taboo
Kenya: Alternative lifestyles, I feel like that’s what people need — to think it’s not taboo.
Doria: That’s what people need. They have to realize that it’s not taboo, you know?
Kenya: No, it’s not taboo. [It’s] how some people are living. They seem happy with their choices. Most of the choices would not be my choice but to see people really being able to tell their story, and seem happy and content, whether or not it’s in a polyamorous situation or you got Nick Cannon, whatever it is. I’m just so interested in the backstory and their story.
Doria: Yes, absolutely.
Kenya: I have a good time.
Doria: I think that’s fascinating. That whole polyamory lifestyle is a really interesting one.
Kenya: It’s getting so common. I’m surprised.
Doria: Very common.
Kenya: Yes!
Doria: Yeah, absolutely. I feel kind of old and traditional.
Kenya: Me too.
Doria: I was pretty wild when I was young, so that says a lot.
Real Estate as an Outlet
Doria: Also, you’re a real estate investor.
Kenya: Yes.
Doria: You probably didn’t have time, I would imagine, to do that while you were working on your husband’s show.
Kenya: It was my outlet. I was always flipping houses and stuff like that. It was my way of being creative. I love doing it. I stopped doing it during the divorce because I didn’t want to get things messy. Now, I think I’m ready to get back to it.
I always said I didn’t want to do this, but I think I’m ready to purchase apartment buildings and hold property. I’ve never held property. I’ll have to get a project manager.
The only reason I thought that is because I am too soft. If somebody comes and says, “Hey, can you meet me and my four kids? We don’t have the money for the rent.” I would be like, “Okay, I got it, girl.” I’ve been there.
Doria: Totally, I’d be the same.
Kenya: I know my weak spots, but I think I’m ready to take on the steps in holding properties.
Doria: Real estate is such a tremendous way to build generational wealth, right?
Kenya: I think so, yes.
Doria: I love that you’re doing that.
A Businesswoman in Entertainment
Doria: I also wanted to ask you how your experience in entertainment has shaped your perspective as a businesswoman, if at all.
Kenya: Well, I will say this and I think this is about wherever you are in life, in business: I’m around a lot of people that have a lot more money than I do. Even when I was married, they had a lot more money than us. I think I took all opportunities. Even if I’m in a meeting, I don’t do a lot of talking. I try to do more listening because I find out so much information.
These guys would be talking about the stocks. They’d talk about different ways to get these loans. I mean, things that I have never heard of. They know a lot. They know how to get around a lot of stuff legally. You need to listen. My input is limited and less. We’re talking about something that pertains to me, then I have a voice.
Doria: Yes, of course.
Kenya: In social conversations, I love a backstory. I’m interested in what people are doing.
If you’re around someone that has more knowledge than you about anything, my suggestion always is to shut up and take it in. Just take it in, period.
Doria: I could not agree more. Even if it’s something that you don’t necessarily agree with, just listen. It’s an underrated skill.
Kenya: Right. What I did learn when I started producing my ex’s comedy shows, I always made sure I was the greenest person in the room because I had never produced any type of show — let alone a comedy show that was going to go to network. Everybody knew more than me.
I’m good at overseeing a lot of stuff. I’m good at research, but when it came to the cameras and the kind of equipment we would need, I relied on people who had been in the business. I brought in seasoned camera operators, audio engineers, and a director that I trusted, and I listened a lot. Although I had never produced a comedy show, I knew what it needed to be. I could still say, “No, that’s not going to work.”
I take that in all my businesses. Listen. You want to be the greenest, newest, and the person that knows the least in the room. That’s what I think.
Doria: Yes, I totally agree. I don’t mean to make this a male-female thing, but I think that, for the most part, women don’t have a hard time not bringing their egos into situations. I don’t have a hard time, for example. If I’m the greenest person in the room, that’s okay. I welcome it, actually, because I’m going to learn. I also know that I have people much better or more experienced than me doing the things that they need to do, right? That’s what you’re doing.
Kenya: For sure. Then sometimes when you sit back and listen to these guys, you may think, “If I knew this, I would be running circles around you guys.” That’s okay to think. I think that often.
I think women do know when to be quiet [and to] take it in. When you need to exert who you are, you know when you need to do that too, you know what I mean? Just because you’re being quiet and taking it in, doesn’t mean that you’re not strong, smart, [and] can’t get it done. It means that you’re smart enough to know when you need to step up and sit back.
Doria: Yeah, you’re being strategic.
Kenya: All day, every day.
Dream Podcast Guest
Doria: If you could have an ideal podcast, like if you could ask anyone in the world to be on your podcast, who would that be?
Kenya: 50 Cent.
Doria: I’ve heard you talking about him! Why?
Kenya: I think he comes across very honest. When I see clips of things that he’s said in past interviews — it could be things he said 20 years ago — I always come away with some gem. I think when it comes to business, the way he has literally transformed his whole life [and] business — I don’t know, I’m really in awe and mostly appreciate his honesty. In terms of a great interview, I think he’d be that. I think we would all learn something from him.
Doria: Alright, if 50 Cent is listening to SheVentures, you know —
Kenya: I’m going to do a countdown because right now he is ignoring me in his DMs! He’s going to do my effing podcast!
Doria: Yes, he will!
Kenya: I don’t know if it’s this year or next year but he and I are gonna have a sit-down. I’m manifesting here!
Doria: Yeah! You heard it here first!
Harness a Financial Mindset
Doria: Knowledge is so important. Actionable advice for women who want to reclaim their lives — because that’s what you’ve done. You’ve reclaimed your life [and] power after something like divorce. It doesn’t have to be divorce necessarily, it could be anything. What kind of tips would you give them?
Kenya: You have to let go of the fear.
Doria: Easier said than done.
Kenya: Yeah, it is easier said. Almost every day I wake up with some level of fear and a constant, “Am I doing the right thing?” I just told you a couple of instances.
You have to let go of fear. I think you just jump out there. What is the worst thing that could happen? What’s going to happen? You want to do something but you’re afraid to do it. You just sit on the couch thinking about [wanting to] do it, how good you would have been at doing it. You’re telling your grandkids, “Oh yeah, I could have done that.” They don’t want to hear that.
If you’re willing to say, “Listen, I don’t believe in negative talk.” In your mind if you’re saying, “I’m going to try this. I think I have a good plan. I think I would be good at this. I’m going to get out here and try this.” You put the fear aside, get out there and do your goddamn best to get it done, make it happen. If it doesn’t work, then you may have to say, “Well, why did I open up too big of a restaurant?” Do you know what I mean? You figure it out.
Doria: Exactly, like a debrief.
Kenya: Exactly, because then you can come back and say, “I tried this and what I realized is the restaurant was too big, I needed a pop-up [or] a truck instead or whatever.”
People want to hear that. People don’t want to hear the coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Doria: I love that. That’s something that I’ve recently been focusing on myself: action. You can think about doing it and ruminate around but taking action — it sounds easy, but it’s surprisingly difficult. Once you do it, it’s like this momentum starts. It’s like, “Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I’m going to try another step.” You’re going to get some doors slammed in your face, but so what?
Kenya: Right, I know. I deal with this with the direction of my podcast. I don’t go after celebrity friends that I could get because of their relationship with my ex. I try to get interesting people. I don’t think you have to be famous to be interesting.
Doria: Absolutely.
Kenya: People that can teach us about things and people that I think I’m learning from as I’m starting my new life. Whether it’s an investor, entrepreneur, or doctor to talk to me about what I can expect from this new sex life or day — I mean, it’s all been probably selfish, but helpful to me. I hope it’s helpful to other people.
Doria: I know that it is.
Race and Gender in Media
Doria: As a Black woman in the media industry, are there challenges that you have faced specific to either your race or gender?
Kenya: With my ex, I was more behind the scenes. In hosting the podcast, I think there’s a space for me. Regardless of how you feel about Black Lives Matter or the sad occurrence and the death of George Floyd — the death of George Floyd, I think, really changed perspective opportunities for Black people in entertainment. I think they got a lot more opportunities [and] deals. A lot more happened with the marching and the support of Black Lives Matter. I think it became more of an awareness. That tragic incident led to more of an awareness throughout and including entertainment. I think more avenues and opportunities have opened where Hollywood [and] entertainment have been more welcoming. That’s been my experience.
Now, I haven’t been in the business for 20 years. I’m not some EGOT [or] Oscar winner. It may be different for them, but it seems like there are more opportunities to get into the room.
Doria: Yeah, and that’s why I’m curious about your perspective. Getting into the room is like a big hurdle, right?
Kenya: For sure.
Steps to Financial Independence
Doria: You’re a huge advocate for women to be financially independent. You mentioned never wanting to find yourself in the position that you were in ever again. I know you said putting a little money aside. Are there other concrete steps that women can take to ensure that they have financial independence?
Kenya: You have to be good at something, even if you’re not using it. I don’t know if you went to school [or] got a degree in something. You have to be good at something, even if you think you’re not. You better think harder, because there is something you’re good at.
Doria: Yes, absolutely.
Kenya: Be willing to get a job if you have to get a job. You have to stay in the know. You have to be willing to do what you need to do to get into the door. I’m not saying sleep with people. I’m saying maybe taking a lesser position but you can see where it can go. This is the only thing that helped me. Although my ex controlled all the money, I was aware of all the accounts.
Doria: Yeah, that’s essential. It’s surprising how often people are not aware.
Kenya: When your partner is talking to you about what’s going on in his day — his investments, what worked or didn’t — girl, you better take notes [and] listen. Don’t be trying to interrupt and do a lot of talking. You better listen.
That’s the one thing I had to do. That was very helpful to my attorneys that I knew all the banks. I knew what we had invested in. That was very helpful. It saved me a lot of money because I was able to get the information so they weren’t searching and maybe overlooking something.
You need to practice those listening skills.
Financial Literacy
Kenya: I’m not a stocks person but I follow people that do stock investments and all of that. I still want to be able to know [and] understand the language. I may not know what to do with it, but I understand the language.
Doria: The basics of financial literacy, trading, and investing. I totally agree. In this country, I feel it’s not even gender related. We aren’t taught about financial literacy unless we happen to come from a family that spoke about money. Maybe your parent was an accountant or lawyer, then it’s different. Most of us don’t get that education in high school at all.
Kenya: Most folks don’t get that education in high school.
I would say also be careful of people that may want to take advantage of your situation. I had people but I trusted my gut. I never gave any lump sum. I need to sit back and take a beat. Sometimes it’s really exciting and you’re thinking, “Oh God, I would love to do that!” For me, it works best if I take a beat [and] do some research.
Doria: Absolutely.
Kenya: If somebody is coming at me, talking too hard, trying to push the sale like they can’t get out the door unless they get my money in the sale — I just walk away.
Doria: That’s a red flag, 100 percent.
Kenya: For sure, yeah. Not everybody has your best interest. You gotta keep that in mind. You are going to come across people that truly want to help you, but not everybody is going to have your best interest. You sit back, watch, research — the internet is free. You can go to the coffee shop and get it.
Be careful who you trust. I will say this too, make sure you’re reading the documents that you sign. That was another one of my downfalls. I used to just sign all the tax documents because they were over 100 pages.
I trusted my ex. I was with him for so many years. I didn’t even breeze through the important pages. It’s only like six or seven pages out of the 100 and something documents you have to sign. Even if you don’t have the wherewithal to read all the pages you need to sign, you need to sign all those supplements. You need to at least read what the numbers are.
I didn’t do that [and] at the end, it screwed me in terms of where I could file. For divorce, it is what it is. You want to trust people. I’m just saying what I would do differently. I would read all the documents before I sign them, period.
Doria: I understand [and] agree, 100 percent. You’re right. I have people in my life that I trust too. I know there have been times that I haven’t completely read the documents that I’ve signed. It’s just human, right? The best practice is to know what you’re signing. The other thing I like about what you said is it’s really easy to get that dopamine, emotional rush of wanting to do something financially. There are people that are very good at manipulating that.
Kenya: Oh, for sure.
Doria: What you said about taking a step back, thinking about it before you do it, and researching it is huge.
Kenya: Yeah, it is. Learn from me. I didn’t make bad investments, I just wasn’t reading contracts. I had no money put away. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, but I’m happy doing it.
I’m glad I did the podcast. If I can do it coming from zero dollars after being with somebody for 24 years, you can do it, too. Y’all can take some baby steps.
Doria: Yes, baby steps, 100 percent.
Kenya: No excuses. Take baby steps.
How to Balance Everything
Doria: As we wrap up, I want to ask: How do you balance working between being a television personality, hosting your podcast, investing in real estate, being a mom, and taking care of yourself? That’s a lot.
Kenya: I am in a fortunate position that my kids are now in college.
Doria: Ugh! I’m envious.
Kenya: My youngest is 20. I have more free time. Real estate happens, honestly, when I’m lying in bed and scrolling, finding out what’s on the market. I usually am scrolling before I go to bed. When I wake up early in the morning, it’s silence. I wake up and say how grateful I am to even have woken up and for my life. I try to wake up in gratitude. How is the rest of the day going to go? We don’t know but it’s starting in gratitude.
I think oftentimes as women we get so caught up. Even though my kids are older and at college, they still call a lot. I’m still trying to be a helicopter mom. They don’t need it until they need a Zelle, you know what I mean?
Doria: Yeah, I do.
Kenya: You owe it to yourself to take a minute and do whatever it is that makes you feel good. Some people like to garden. I don’t like bugs so that would never be a choice of mine, but it makes people happy. I love to cook. I like to window-shop, although I’m on a strict budget. I like to listen to other podcasts. You have to take a moment for yourself, you really do. Don’t feel guilty about doing it. I’m not saying you need to go on vacation for weeks. It could be an hour a day [or] whatever it is.
Doria: Absolutely.
Kenya: I know I’m not getting enough when I pull into my garage and I find myself sitting there for like 30 minutes.
Doria: You’re ruminating about it, right?
Kenya: Yeah! You need time for yourself. Whatever makes you happy, you have to make time for it and don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t let anybody else make you feel guilty about it.
Doria: Love it. What do you do? Do you do anything physically? You’ve mentioned Pilates.
Kenya: I love Pilates. I am not the best exerciser. Everything I’ve ever joined, I’ve quit. I love Pilates, though. I’m not going to quit. I think I’m up to like 15 classes.
I don’t like 101 classes or personal trainers. I don’t like that because sometimes I don’t want to do a full lunge. I just want to do a half lunge. I know my form isn’t correct, okay? I don’t want somebody [with] all their eyes on me. I don’t want that.
I like a group setting. I go to something called Club Pilates. It’s like eight of us. I love Pilates.
I wasn’t very good at yoga. I didn’t take it seriously. I don’t know what the question was, but I love Pilates.
Doria: It’s a great outlet! I’ve had to find some kind of physical outlet because otherwise, I’m just stressed.
Kenya: The endorphins, I think, right?
Doria: Yeah.
Kenya: Do you do something every day?
Doria: Not every day. Like you, I do a lot of things. I’ve started and stopped. The one big thing I did was when I was 43, I said, “I’m going to run the New York City Marathon.” It took me two years to train but I did it. I never ran again!
Kenya: Okay! Runners say they miss it. Do you miss running or do you still run? Is that your outlet?
Doria: No, it’s not. I’m thinking I might have another marathon in me. I don’t know why I have to do these gigantic things, but that seems to be how it manifests for me.
Kenya: Yeah and maybe that’s how it motivates like the big you — the real big picture.
Doria: I think so.
Kenya: My big picture is just to get into class. Can you just get into the class?
Doria: Heck yeah!
Kenya: I love Pilates — and this is coming from a person that has quit every gym, every trainer. I cannot find motivation. I hate running, but to hear your story is beautiful.
Doria: I love it.
Predicting the Future
My last question is: What do you see happening in 2023 or 2024 for you?
Kenya: I see me hosting. I love my podcast. It’s my baby. I’m so appreciative. I’ve learned a lot. For the podcast, you can watch it on YouTube or listen on your favorite podcast platform.
I want to host more one-on-one interviews, not only for myself but maybe for other networks. I want to branch out with that.
Doria: Yeah, I can see you doing that.
Kenya: I really want to do a dating show. That’s in the works.
Doria: I love it! Do you want to host a dating show or are you dating?
Kenya: I want to host one for people. It would probably be online. I would get out all those small questions you want to know so when you finally do hook up, you would just have a good time.
I don’t have a problem asking the sex questions, baby mama questions, etc. What is the ex-girlfriend or wife saying about you? Are you neat? What’s the temperature? If you’re 70 or 72 and you’re trying to date somebody that is like 66, I don’t know if it works. Who is trying to be naked if you’re 72 and 66? I’m going to get all that information upfront so if you want to reach out to Jim Bob or Katie or whatever.
Doria: I love it. It’s been such a pleasure having you on. You’re an inspiration to me. I think it’s great what you’ve done. You represent what so many women go through and you’ve come out with such optimism, strength, and resilience. You’ve done it and that says a lot.
Kenya: Oh! Thanks for having me on. Can I just say one thing? Every day is not going to be a good day. What you should try to remember is even if something shitty has happened, it’s all temporary. Those feelings are all temporary and you have to push through. There are many days I did not want to get out of bed and many days I did not understand it. It was all temporary. I’m happy and I’ve pushed through a lot of shit so I’m able to say this. You’re going to be fine. Keep moving ahead.
Doria: That is a perfect way to end this conversation.
Kenya: Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.
Doria: Thank you for coming on.