How to Be More Solution-Oriented
Every morning, I experience a little miracle. Yes, I wake up breathing and all that cool stuff, but the real miracle is that I make it out of my garage without knocking off my right-side passenger mirror.
I leave the house early with sleep in my eyes and a cup of coffee, looking over at my daughter in the passenger seat. I take inventory to ensure she has shoes, a backpack, lunch, water, and anything else third grade may require.
As I back out of my garage, I’m focused on the person in the passenger seat — to my right — and unconsciously I lean my steering to the right. Everyday I think, “Dang. I barely missed knocking off my right-side rearview mirror. I need to do better tomorrow.”
Where focus goes, energy flows. When my focus is on my daughter, my car drifts toward the right side of the garage despite my desire to back out of the garage straight.
Replacing the mirror would cost around $2,000 with parts and labor, but despite the potential cost, I still end up getting distracted and forgetting to pay attention to the mirror. I have a bad habit of focusing on the wrong thing.
When I forget to pay attention — for example when I eat extra carbs after the sun goes down or leave wet clothes in the dryer for too long — I engage in a bad habit. The problem with any bad habit — or lack of focus — is that it can have a big financial cost.
Avoid analysis paralysis. 🙀
In the past, my bad habits about decision-making were the most costly in my life. If I didn’t want to make a decision, I would overthink, obsessively research, ask everyone else what I should do, and talk about my problems rather than deciding to solve them. Rumination kept me stuck. I know I am not the only one!
I also had what I call “but mouth.” When I found a solution, I would analyze to the point of action paralysis. I would predict “But, if I do X, then Y will happen” or “But, I can’t do X because Y might get upset.” Sir Mix-a-Lot said he liked big butts, and my scared and indecisive brain likes the short-term comfort of big “buts,” too. Though butts helped Sir Mix-a-Lot reach his goals of creating a hit song, my buts were preventing me from achieving my goals.
Bottom line: If I focus my energy on the right side of my car, my energy on my fear, my buts, and my excuses, my worldview will be how hard everything is, or why something is unfair.
That perspective costs me more than $2,000 to replace my side mirror: It will rob me of my goals and dreams. It will cost me myself.
Research indicates that each of us make an estimated 35,000 decisions a day! Take a moment to consider where you learned to make decisions. Did you take a high school class? Did your parents outline multiple decision-making processes, and help you develop the strategy most suited to your personality? Did you take an online course on decision-making? Did your college roommate major in decision-making frameworks and help you develop your own strategies for successful solutions? I doubt it!
Most of us are taught to listen to our parents because they know best. Yet we are horrified to realize we are the adults responsible for our decision-making and problem-solving. Virtually none of us are taught how to make decisions. No wonder we need help to focus on what does matter.
Embrace solution-oriented thinking. 🏆
Consider listing potential pros and cons to solutions. There is a reason our butts are on the back of our bodies. We are supposed to sit on them, not lead with them. If your buts are leading your decision-making efforts, you won’t be able to focus on creating solutions, and you will remain stuck.
Let’s look at two anecdotes about the common problem of work-life balance. One example is focused on “but mouth” and the other is an example of solution-based thinking.
Person #1: I’m overwhelmed trying to manage my life recently. My friend suggested I change jobs, but I don’t want to because I have been there five years. Who has time to look for a new job? My boss says I should utilize my assistant more, but I can’t do that because I haven’t had time to train him. My mom says I should set up a carpool with the neighbors, so I don’t spend so much time in the car, but I don’t want to bother anyone, nor do I have the energy to organize a carpool. My life coach suggested I use a grocery-delivery service and plan my meals better, so I spend less time at the grocery store after a long day of work and kids events, but I can’t do that because I want to pick out my own food and not pay a delivery fee.
Person #2: I’m overwhelmed trying to manage my life recently. I’m talking to a recruiter to see what jobs are out there, and I am also researching ways to save time by training my assistant. I’ve made three short training videos he can rewatch if he has questions, and I can reuse these videos in the future, so they are a smart investment of my time. I moved the kids’ activity schedule so I have two days a week after work to watch their practice one day and then do my grocery shopping during practice the other day, and I am asking my partner to pick up a night, so I am not exhausted by the weekend.
It’s easy to see which person will likely have made progress a year from now, and which person will be recycling the same problems with no solution in sight.
As adults, we can bet we will have problems to solve and decisions to make. However, if we keep our focus on the buts rather than the solutions, we will recycle the same problems year after year.
Focusing only on why your circumstances are challenging or why an untried solution can’t work leaves us stuck and frustrated.
If we focus on solutions, and take thought-out action on what we can control, we will have better habits and outcomes from a positive mindset that makes decision-making easier. Einstein is thought to have said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If focusing on the “buts” hasn’t gotten you the life you want, it’s time to turn your energy toward trying solutions. Sure, there is risk, but you won’t be stuck!
This expert produced this original thought leadership piece free of charge to SheVentures. This expert values educating female entrepreneurs and the SheVentures community. SheVentures is not receiving affiliate compensation from the author/expert. Questions? Contact social@sheventurespodcast.com.
