10 Tips to Up Your Mentorship Game
How to ensure mentoring is one of the most fulfilling roles you undertake.
This privilege offers a unique and precious window of time during which you can invest in young women, sharing your steps toward success and assisting them in finding their own paths.
You will build relationships with future physicians, lawyers, politicians, educators, entrepreneurs, and more. Plus, you will provide resources and opportunities for girls in ways their families often cannot.
Although becoming a mentor is an experience most women enjoy, it’s no easy task. Mentoring requires compassion, transparency, emotional intelligence, consistency, and — most of all — time. Before committing to mentorship, take a look at these 10 steps to decide if you are ready to mentor girls successfully.
1. Understand why you want to be a mentor.
Jamila Trimuel, Founder and CEO, Ladies of Virtue, and Daphanie Bibbs, Director of Mentorship Training, Ladies of Virtue
Assess your current time commitments, emotional capacity, and reasons for wanting to volunteer. Also, analyze your knowable future. Will there be any major changes in your life (job, school, family, etc.) over the next year? The more clear you are about your current and future capacity, the more successful you will be as a mentor.
2. Set expectations up front.
Ask your mentee what she’s looking for in a mentor. How does her ideal mentor interact with her and her family? How often would she like to see and speak with her mentor? Have your mentee ask you similar questions so you can share your desires as well, and let her know how to reciprocate by calling, texting, and showing gratitude.
3. Be transparent.
Transparency builds trust and sets the tone for open communication. Oftentimes, mentors are willing to share accomplishments or “wins” (e.g., having a baby, big promotion). This is important because your mentee should be aware of the key achievements in your life. However, sharing your challenges, setbacks, and failures is just as essential to the mentoring process. For example, if you are disappointed in an aspect of your work life, let your mentee be a part of watching how you handle the challenge. Your openness, willingness to be vulnerable, and focus on finding a solution will encourage your mentee to share and even advocate for herself as well.
Furthermore, you will inevitably go through tough transitions in your own life while you are a mentor. During this time, we urge mentors to be in communication with their mentee and their families. If you find that you need to take a step back to deal with something that you are struggling with, be sure to communicate that so your mentee doesn’t feel rejected. Be age appropriate in your communication and perhaps talk to your mentee’s parents first to get ideas on how to communicate what you may be struggling with. This way, the mentee and their parents will understand if you’re distant or need time to heal.
4. Be emotionally intelligent about your mentee’s needs.
Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., describes emotional intelligence as understanding and managing your own emotions and influencing the emotions of others. Without awareness and management of your own emotions, it’s difficult to be available to anyone else. Though your mentee’s emotional needs will vary, you must always respond in ways that are helpful when providing advice or suggestions to your mentee. Are you emotionally intelligent? Take this quiz to find out.
5. Discover commonalities.
As you develop a rapport with your mentee, it’s essential to build a bond. Plan fun outings. Make regular plans to do something she likes (favorite TV show, book, game, etc.) and discuss them afterward. Does your mentee like to cook, dance, paint, or listen to music? Does she have access to activities that fit her interests? Your time together can also be an opportunity to expose your mentee to experiences that aren’t otherwise within her reach.
6. Be present.
Your mentee will be seeking a positive role model — and she may want someone with whom she can talk about personal issues. She will need your understanding and support. One of the more important gifts you can give a mentee is your presence. Examples include attending her sporting events, birthday parties, prom send-off, and graduation. Ask your mentee which events are the most important to her that you attend. Be sure to let her into your world as well.
7. Be consistent.
How will you communicate with your mentee (text, phone, Google Meet, Zoom, in person)? How often will you enjoy social outings together? If a scheduling conflict arises, communicate with your mentee as soon as possible — and be particularly prompt and focused during your next scheduled outing or activity. There should also be an understanding between both parties that except for emergencies, at least two days’ cancellation notice (or more depending on what is agreed upon) will be provided.
8. Actively listen to your mentee.
Your mentee will need your undivided attention when you’re together. Don’t continually check your phone, for example, as she may feel belittled. Also, sometimes your mentee will want you to be only a sounding board. Girls may want to vent, but often they want you to listen and not provide unsolicited advice for their problems. If you ever find yourself without the emotional capacity to be available for her, communicate that up front and plan to call her back at a later time if what she’s dealing with is not an emergency.
9. Be open-minded.
Your mentee may share things with you that she hasn’t shared with anyone else. Don’t judge. Become more open-minded and get training in spotting potential biases. For example, if gender identity, sexual orientation, trauma, and mental health issues arise, ask your mentoring organization for the appropriate resources.
10. Establish healthy boundaries.
Boundaries are the rules, guidelines, and limits in a mentor/mentee relationship. Talk about social media, for example. Is it appropriate to follow each other? Discuss your comfort level with publishing photographs of each other on social media platforms; if your mentee is a minor, you should also ask her parent or guardian for permission (unless permission was already granted through their mentoring organization). Also, emphasize confidentiality. Help your mentee understand what conversations you will keep to yourself versus what must be shared with her parents. When you go on outings, who will pay? Does the mentoring organization provide a stipend to the mentor? Will the parents be providing spending money or is the mentor expected to cover all outings? Also, it is important to understand the level of access your mentee should have to you. Is it ok for the mentee to call you at any time of the night or should they call only during certain hours/days? These questions are important to answer up front. Many mentees may not know what healthy boundaries look like, so you’ll need to communicate and model them.
Bonus Tip!
Be up front when a mentoring relationship has to end.
Even the best mentoring relationships may have to end, perhaps due to a new job, change in schedule, or program duration, for example. Regardless, it is critical to end the relationship correctly. First, speak to the parent(s) and then share with your mentee why closure in the mentoring relationship is necessary. Offer one last activity to celebrate the mentee’s accomplishments since you started working together. Furthermore, provide your mentoring organization with ample notice, so another mentor can be assigned to smooth the transition.
For more information about mentoring girls visit Ladies of Virtue .
This expert produced this original thought leadership piece free of charge to SheVentures. This expert values educating female entrepreneurs and the SheVentures community. SheVentures is not receiving affiliate compensation from the author/expert. Questions? Contact social@sheventurespodcast.com.
