12 Ways to Overcome Challenges as a Young, Single Parent

When confronted with the reality of single parenting at 21, I thought I was clueless. But in reality, I always had the power to handle the gift of raising a child.

It took time to realize what I had to do in order to fully accept my abilities and role as a single parent. I relied on my parents for emotional support and moved in with them shortly after my daughter’s first birthday. 

They welcomed my new life by offering to pay for my return to university along with my rent. I consider myself lucky. If that hadn’t been the case, I would have chosen to live at home with another relative, in order to finish my education. They also insisted that I go on welfare.

This period in my life was my hero quest. Hindsight is a rearview mirror glance after you’ve walked through the mountain and finally found your flashlight at the exit. No matter where you are during your walk through the mountain, I hope these 12 ways that helped me overcome challenges as a young, single parent can be your flashlight, too. 

Never be ashamed or embarrassed.

The narrator of my novel, Never a Cloud, Violet Grey, trusted that everything would arrange itself organically, with or without her assistance. By trusting in the order of your life, you learn to trust in yourself. Embrace the mess. Embrace your single motherhood. I suspect that likewise, you also feel decades older than your childless peers. And you are; you’ve gone through a gauntlet they can only imagine. Be proud.

Treat parenthood as an eternal discovery.

You are now the champion of childhood. Every insight made by discovery during the first 18 years of your child’s life is yours to revel in and return to. 

Spending time with a child is life’s greatest gift. Single parenthood means growing up together. 

You’re on an adventure, like heroes to the underworld, in fairytales and myths. That’s better than any Instagram story. Spend less time on your phone. Don’t become an absent parent, see everything in the world for the first time as your child does, just through a new lens.

You have something far more interesting in your life — your child — than any post on social media. Your child will be your best friend for life. You only have to love them to have their love in return.

Don’t be afraid to date.

I holed up for years, afraid to take a chance. And when I did, my position as a single parent drove me to commit too early in getting to know someone, at the exclusion of somebody else. (A valid consideration when my heart wasn’t the only one on the line; my daughter’s was also.) An introvert, I didn’t join the hiking group, seek out a book club, or share daycare with a friend. All valuable activities that widen your support group. I did join the local co-op, which lightened my grocery bill; we worked weekly shifts for barter.

Be creative in new ways to experience travel/the world. 

Traveling is a luxury for anyone; time away costs. Don’t let those limitations keep you from experiencing life in creative ways. I didn’t have a car for our first year alone. Winters were tough. Having bought a 20-year-old 1968 Valiant for $400 in 1981 on a shoestring budget, we made day trips from our apartment in Vermont to Montreal; they were our “holidays.” We visited museums without entrance fees, then had a simple sit-down lunch. Once we stayed too late, dusk had fallen on our two-hour drive; while she slept, alarmed, I couldn’t see the road ahead. (This was before the age of cell phones, or in my case, credit cards.) The gas stations closed along the rural stretch of road, frightened, I pulled over; only my parking beams worked. The car wasn’t worth the price of the headlights. With a loan from my parents, I got a newer used model. Every little gain in our life was a big deal, much appreciated.

Learn a new language or share your heritage.

Add a global perspective to your child’s life without leaving home. In Italy (my ancestry), it’s common to tell someone that they are beautiful. Share this fact with your child, then say, “You’re beautiful!” If you are bilingual, teach your child both languages. Place index cards around the house with the names of things in both English and your second language.

Learning a new language can be done anywhere. You can start small with books from the library or software like Rosetta Stone. And depending on the language you learn, maybe even teach English in that country one day. The TEFL certification allows for that. Make your way in the world broader, even if you are not the type to do so. 

Let neighbors befriend you.

Good neighbors are wonderful; neighbors that become friends are even more of a blessing. Being a single parent means less time for social interaction, so having friends right next door or down the hall can bring immense comfort. 

Make everyday moments special.

Sing lullabies to your child about doors into mountains and boats at sea. Sing a lot. There is no such thing as off-pitch around a toddler. Light a candle at bedtime or for dinner. If your landlord allows (check it out first), paint a wall mural with your child. Grow seeds, and watch a butterfly chrysalis hatch. 

Don’t take yourself so seriously — take a note from your child. You already are everything in their eyes.

Enjoy being alone and in your thoughts.

The payback of single parenting is actually enjoying being alone and in your thoughts. If you’re a full-fledged extrovert by nature, breathe…because you may learn to relish in the quiet moments even if you’d rather be out with friends.

Yoga restores my center, and I don’t have to leave home to catch my breath. When you have windows of time, use the blank canvas to visualize where you want your life to lead. Dreams are underrated and grow into goals that often become reality. 

Introduce your interests to your child.

Your child will likely embrace many things you introduce them to at a young age. If you read the comics every morning, make it part of your routine to read them out loud together. Ask for help on the crossword puzzle. Invite them to do yoga with you. 

Play the music you love during dinner. Nat King Cole was my choice. My daughter loves Nat King Cole to this day. 

Just as you spend time in the world they invent, let them spend time in the world you invented for yourself. 

Never stop improving yourself.

You and your child will benefit from new and improved versions of you, at the mental, physical, to spiritual levels. Take care of your health. If you never finished your GED, finish it — or entertain a new degree. I went back to university as a single parent at 23, and, when necessary, my daughter “audited” those classes. The academia will greet your endeavor with additional respect. Education is the one thing you give yourself, that can’t be taken away. It’s worth having a roommate or living with family, to finish your degree.

Seek counsel when needed.

Seek counsel, for you, or your child, whenever unresolved issues need professional advice. Planned Parenthood offers free counseling on all levels. My psychiatrist was a practicing Buddhist. She held a candle to the strengths I had carried away, upon making the decision, on my own, to escape oppression. The therapist session is the mirror. Your emotional support is as important as your child’s.

Move the pile of dirt that marks your clear border with yourself.

You haven’t given up anything in the decision to parent; you’ve only widened the ring of beauty. Once in a while, remember to do things that surprise you, as much as anyone else. Realize a mysterious dream — do any action from a grounded place of kindness, liberation, and, if need be, to satisfy a longing. 

The benign protecting power that your child needs is you. They are works in progress — we all are. Single parenting can be daunting — but happily, survivable! 

“Move the pile of dirt that marks your clear border with yourself.”

 — Violet Grey, Never a Cloud